Reinvention, Early Mornings & Content Changes

Hello from a new me in a new season of life

Up at 6am after being more or less awake since 3, the sweet little baby to blame now casually sleeping peacefully in his rocker next to me. This boy has a solid habit of getting super grunty and weird from around 4am and at some point pretending to sleep while dodging spit up is more exhausting than just getting up.

I’ve never been a morning person but its not for lack of trying- every time I manage to get up before the sun (or at very least, before my toddler) I feel amazing and convince myself it’ll be easy to keep up the habit. But my night owl tendencies beg to differ, I always focus best when the house is dark & quiet…and then spend too long scrolling. But it’s interesting how in different seasons, different things serve you. I have a feeling I might find myself up with the dawn a lot more often.

Sometimes circumstances in your environment call for change that otherwise would be unnecessary or feel impossible. Often related to beginnings or endings- moving, uprooting, starting jobs, ending relationships. Death, birth. Motherhood has been that for me- and it sounds obvious, but what I didn’t expect was the way it would feel the second time around. I thought it was maybe a one and done change kinda situation.

But once again I feel completely upended, shaken up, slate wiped clean. Once again my sense of self is being challenged and called into question. Once again I sense a new, upgraded version of myself is going to emerge from this season, but not before going through the acceptance of her that is no longer and the rebuilding without judgement of a version of me better suited to this season. With my first, the identity shift rocked me, the challenge exhausted me, but I rose to it and found myself capable of more in less time than ever. My priorities were reevaluated and things that previously I had no motivation for suddenly I could get done in the 30 minute window before my baby woke from their nap, pulling me back into their orbit of constant need.

As it turns out, it is no different the second time around. Except, perhaps, more challenging. Less time, less margin. More stripping away, greater pinpointing of priorities, greater motivation. As of yet, I’m still in the unraveling of it all- the survival mode, sleepless nights, “how do we do this” and who am I. When you suddenly only have such tiny increments of time for yourself, it puts into stark focus whatever you choose to spend that time on, which in turn highlights who you are and what you desire. I’m sure for some who discovered early a strong identity and sense of self/purpose it is a little easier to hold onto those things as they flow through this season. For me personally, I have been tumbling through such a journey of self discovery in the past couple of years, and have so many facets of myself that I’m confused by them on a good day…for me it’s overwhelming. Which part of myself, which desires, do I prioritize? Who am I to be in this season? Each challenge chips away at the parts of me that don’t serve and reveals more of my true nature, my true passion. So that’s where I am, the chipping and unravelling…and trying to remember that it’s part of this larger process from which I’ll inevitably emerge more refined.

Moments that felt sweet this week

So whatever your upending is, if you are experiencing or have experienced that feeling of being stripped away and being unsure of how to relate to your environment and daily life anymore….don’t fear it. That space is the fertile ground for reinvention and new growth.

For me, it means that right now some days I feel super inspired and some days I’m questioning everything. There’s a lot in the works this year in terms of content creation, some super big projects & new ventures. Lots of streamlining and aiming for quality over quantity as I try to level up my offerings and business while staying present with my family & home.

I just launched my YouTube (again - i have tried once or twice in the past with little luck) with my husband Kandreas on board editing for me it feels lke the perfect time as I work towards this quality> quantity goal.

You might notice the change in my content for a time as I figure out life these days. I’m just getting back into the kitchen, and finding myself drawn to much more simple things. Food prep looks different as our needs are different. I feel like honing in on the basics, nailing them down so you might see more of that. I’m gonna focus on my journey of healing in this postpartum year, learning more along the way about hormones, food and integrative health, and as always sharing it as I go.

I’m also working on some pretty big projects which I can’t quite share yet but I’m SUPER excited about, although it means i have to find lots of time from…somewhere…to work on that.

Decided to enroll in some online schooling for the summer too, didn’t I haha. I’ve bitten off quite a lot, but I just want to lean into this season of fresh soil. Sew lots of seeds, see what grows.

It’s an honor to have you with me and to be part of a community that I know is patient with my journey and accepting of all my forms, thank you. You are welcome here in all your versions too. If you made it this far, bravo, and I’d love to hear if you have experienced a season of undoing and refining and if so, what did you learn from it?

Much love,

Ebby