Hi! I’m still here!

(When you finally learn to let everything BUT self care slide during a crazy month)

I’ve been a bit silent here haven’t I…the last few weeks have been so full, of good things and hard things and everything in-between. My head, too, has been full and at the same time, somehow, empty. Too many thoughts and ideas and no time to spend organizing and expressing them. The un-hibernating this spring has hit with a JOLT.

I’m officially 32 weeks pregnant…Kensa was born just 2 weeks from now. I don’t think I’m going to have another super early labor but this point has sped up so quickly I’m a bit freaked out! I went into labor the day I quit work last time, having planned to use the weeks after that to prepare mentally and physically for a baby. We didn’t get that time! This time around I am desperate to find some center before baby arrives but the last month has been a whirlwind.

From my Mothers Blessing this weekend…never had a baby shower with my first, he was born the week before it was scheduled!

My parents came to visit, soon followed by some best friends. I flew to LA to surprise my sister- the next weekend she flew here to join me for my birthday and the Mothers Blessing my other sister planned for me! In between there’s been photoshoots, mothering, working, keeping house, editing, and attempts at slowing down and caring for myself as this third trimester of pregnancy has sped by.

A glimpse of the month

As it turns out, it’s pretty much impossible to do all of those things at once- something or other always slips through the cracks. It used to automatically be me- my self care and attention to my own needs. Lately, thank God, I’ve finally been learning that that isn’t really an option, especially when pregnant. Man I spent the first half of this pregnancy s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g through migraines and exhaustion when I tried to power through without seeing to my own needs and it backfired big time. Turns out when you have crippling stress migraines it’s pretty hard to work, cook, clean, mother.

So lately, as I’ve held on to any scraps of time and energy for self care and rest, what has fallen by the wayside a little has been any ‘unnecessary’ work or creative outlet. I’ve been quieter on my socials, have countless unedited videos, and my inspiration for writing and creating, recipes and research has been a bit limp. Oh it’s all still in there, so many ideas, I just cant seem to make head or tail of them!

I knew this last month or so was going to be a lot. Knew it was my last chance to push hard and do some of the bigger things before I would really need to settle in to nest and prepare to welcome a new life. But I hadn’t quite planned for it to take so much out of me. This week is sort of my last ‘push’ of some big work things before time stretches and empties out ahead of me a little. I can’t wait.

Hopefully, I can use this time of waiting, preparing, and then cocooning postpartum to find some clarity. To find stillness & figure out how I want to proceed- which I honestly haven’t even had the time to think about. This whole year has just been push push push to try and get ahead and find some solid ground. We seem to have found it, and I can’t wait to just stand and take a breath. Lots of ideas have been lying beneath the surface, without the time and energy to give to them. This blog/newsletter/community for one. It’s really just the simplest way to begin to channel all the ideas. YouTube, cookbooks, courses, digital downloads, art. So many things I want to explore without being a slave to the daily grind of social platforms and work needs.

Anyways. That’s about it. I’ve had lots of ideas of posts to make and things I want to share with you but I just wanted to say Hi first. Catch you up to speed with where I’ve been, what I’m feeling. Let it out a bit to make space for other things to come. I’m still learning how to channel my chaotic brain into something sensible so thank you for being here for the journey! It keeps me accountable and I need that.

(Me staring at a blank page all morning while camping out at a cafe)

Oh, also! If any of you need that accountability too, I just turned on the Chat feature! Didn’t realize it was off….but now paid subscribers can start threads and create chats, and I will try to get in the habit of popping in there too so we can get some of that good community going!

If you, too, feel like spring has hit like a fast ball and life has been a whirlwind, this is your permission to let something OTHER than yourself slide. It’ll be ok and the world wont fall to pieces. It might, however, if you stop caring for your soul and self.

Much love,

Ebby

X